Dear Ones,
As many of you know I spend much of my time with young folks, working at a school for kids aged 5 to 14. Each week we engage in conversations about what is here for them right now, and often the sense of self-hatred is present. This shows up as thoughts such as “I’m no good.” “I am a failure and a nuisance.” “I should just die, and everyone would be better off without me.” There is often tension and contraction in the body, or a sense of dissociation, or a heaviness so deep that everything shuts down. When I ask about emotions, the answer is often, “I don’t know.” or “I feel numb.” With more inquiry there may be sadness and rage, but usually those are too scary to touch. As we gently support what is showing up, something may thaw and open, awareness can fall in and sense what is whole and untouched by the violent storm of self-hatred, and something new is often discovered.
Meeting the young ones in their vulnerability, I am more aware of the subtle and not so subtle waves of self-hatred that arise in me, and in loved ones around me. What an invitation to drop below the narrative that I am telling myself, to open to the profound discomfort in the body that accompanies rage and terror. To fall so deeply in that the survival strategy of separation dissolves, and what is vast, endless, and open reveals itself as everything, always. Quiet, empty, whole.
I invite you to join me in this journey of meeting self-hatred.
We plan to meet by zoom on October 7th from 10am to 11:30 mountain time.
5pm London
6pm Amsterdam
If you would like to join us, please contact me here for the link.
The gathering is free and donations are accepted here: