Vulnerability
@cherstve_pechivo
Dear Ones,
I have been going through a time of feeling very vulnerable in this body. Current health challenges are revealing deeper layers of fear, shame, self-hatred and grief as this impermanent human form ages. There is an uncomfortable shakiness in my belly, contraction, pressure, tension, heat. These sensations and emotions can feel overwhelming to my system, so there is an impulse to get away from them - sometimes through aggressive action, sometimes through numbing and dissociation, sometimes through mental spinning into doubt, projection and rumination. Being anywhere but here. The survival patterns of form kicking into overdrive……………………………..coming to be met.
Through Grace, there is also the call to pause in the midst of all this. To stop moving for a moment feeling my feet on the ground, the wind on my skin. To slow down for a few breaths and notice more deeply what is here - the qualities of shakiness and pressure, the particular vibrations of tension and contraction. In Turning towards instead of against or away, something opens. The layers of protection soften, revealing the pure vulnerability underneath. In staying right here - fragile, exposed, powerless - nothing to hold onto, no way to escape the dissolution of this body, something else may be discovered, pain may be met, grief welcomed, joy uncovered. Who knows?
As it is all welcomed fully, the mind quiets, the strategies fall away. empty, formlessness that was being avoided—what we were before birth and will be after death—shines as everything, right now. Perfectly Now. spacious silence.
What if this is not the end, but just the beginning? the play of form is here. From Spacious silence, all arising can be experienced as the source from which it arises and has full permission to be as it is. awareness can meet apparent separation as its own self, with tenderness, compassion, love.
Vulnerability is no longer experienced as something to avoid but recognized as a portal, the fragility of the body, the waves of emotions, the stories and narratives, even the protective strategies trying to control it all are allowed to be as they are - divine source itself.