I am curious, what does this word “longing” mean to you? Merriam Webster defines “longing” as a strong desire especially for something unattainable. This word, this feeling of a strong desire for something unattainable lived large inside me for much of my life. It feels as though I was born longing for something I could not name, could not find, and this longing was painful. It arose as an ache in the heart for something outside of myself, something I could only get from someone else, someplace else at some other time. It was a longing for my parents’ love, but somehow that was not enough. It was a longing for safety, for comfort, but somehow when I had them it was not enough. This longing took me to the other side of the country where I found moments of peace with a new love or a beautiful sunset, but it never lasted. There continued to be unsettled energy, driving, seeking, wanting, needing the sense of separation to end. I pushed against this energy, trying to make it go away through meditation, studying spiritual texts, sex, intense physical challenges - all of which sated this feeling briefly, until it painfully arose again.
Then I met my teacher, and she invited me to stop. She invited me to stop seeking and turn in, to burn, unmoving, inside the ache and discomfort. To open to failing completely at my attempts to satisfy this longing outside of myself. With that invitation, the longing ceased and what was discovered was endless, spacious, vibrant energy - pure life force, love. The uncomfortable longing that I had resisted, turned out to be the doorway into what I was longing for all along.
You are all welcome to discover for yourselves what is here when, instead of seeking outside of ourselves, we allow the longing to call us closer inside, to discover that what we are looking for is, as Gangaji says, “closer than your own breath.”
gangaji youtube - what do you really want?
https://youtu.be/8fB3zftq-3Y?si=7KuVSLOaIEszHiEF
We plan to gather on Saturday September 6th at 10am Mountain time. All are welcome.
9am Pacific time
5pm/17h London
6pm/18h Amsterdam
If you would like to join us, please contact me here: embodied meditation sign up
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Love Dogs
A Poem by Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks
One night a man was crying Allah! Allah!
His lips grew sweet with praising,
until a cynic said, “So!
I’ve heard you calling out, but have you ever
gotten any response?”
The man had no answer to that.
He quit praying and fell into a confused sleep.
He dreamed he saw Khidr, the guide of souls,
in a thick, green foliage.
“Why did you stop praising?” “Because
I’ve never heard anything back.”
“This longing you express
is the return message.”
The grief you cry out from
draws you toward union.
Your pure sadness
that wants help
is the secret cup.
Listen to the moan of a dog for its master.
That whining is the connection.
There are love dogs
no one knows the names of.
Give your life
to be one of them.